Hot Casino Jokes and Gambling Cartoons for the Joker in You “What did the dealer say to the deck of cards” and many other classic jokes and puns in the world of online gambling, right here, on bestonlinecasino.com. As a casino dealer in Las Vegas, you hear many a joke about the glittering, gambling city, and often make up a few of your own. Without further ado, here are a few of our favorite Las Vegas jokes and quotes that make fun of the beauty and the agony of Sin City, where people come to let loose and have some fun. Win or lose, they leave changed. Next time you’re betting online and can’t seem to get ahead, hopefully you’ll think of these jokes and remember not to take things too seriously. Or perhaps you could use one of them in a poker chat room to ease the tension and give everyone a laugh. If you have any good gambling jokes of your own we’d love to hear them.
What is the difference between praying in a church or in a casino? At the casino you pray seriously!After a long time two friends met, happy to see each other. One of them, chewing on something big, asked his friend how was he and whatwas new in his life. After the friend told his story, he asked the same question to the friend who was chewing something.
- So, what's up man?
- It's a shitty period, there is nothing that works in my life and I feel really bad.
- What is going on?
- Last Saturday I went to Las Vegas. You know that from time, to time I'm going there to play at casino, three or four timesa year. I took with me thousand dollars and I put the other hundred in my driving license that I left in the car. For the safetyreasons, you know, if it goes really bad at casino, I must have the money to pay highway and go back home. And so I walked incasino, I bought the chips and found an empty seat on a roulette table, next to a beautiful woman, about forty years old witha very provocative neckline. I made my first bet on 32, the number of my house, aiming 10 dollars.
- How did it go?
The guy continues to tell his story, without stopping to chew something.
- Released! I felt all the winning streak and I bet again on 32 and it's released again. I was winning almost 13 000 dollars andthe adrenaline was at maximum. I felt like I was the God and around the table came so many people to congratulated me and I bet morethan 10 thousand dollars on 23.
- And it went out again?
- No! This time came out a bloody 13. Do you realize that I had the bad luck? I had in my hands a lot of money and if 32 came outI was settled for a life time. But the horrid number 13 ruined my evening and the hole week after.
- I understand you very well. It 's really to eat the balls.
The other friend, continuing to chew louder:
- What do you think I'm doing?
- So, what's up man?
- It's a shitty period, there is nothing that works in my life and I feel really bad.
- What is going on?
- Last Saturday I went to Las Vegas. You know that from time, to time I'm going there to play at casino, three or four timesa year. I took with me thousand dollars and I put the other hundred in my driving license that I left in the car. For the safetyreasons, you know, if it goes really bad at casino, I must have the money to pay highway and go back home. And so I walked incasino, I bought the chips and found an empty seat on a roulette table, next to a beautiful woman, about forty years old witha very provocative neckline. I made my first bet on 32, the number of my house, aiming 10 dollars.
- How did it go?
The guy continues to tell his story, without stopping to chew something.
- Released! I felt all the winning streak and I bet again on 32 and it's released again. I was winning almost 13 000 dollars andthe adrenaline was at maximum. I felt like I was the God and around the table came so many people to congratulated me and I bet morethan 10 thousand dollars on 23.
- And it went out again?
- No! This time came out a bloody 13. Do you realize that I had the bad luck? I had in my hands a lot of money and if 32 came outI was settled for a life time. But the horrid number 13 ruined my evening and the hole week after.
- I understand you very well. It 's really to eat the balls.
The other friend, continuing to chew louder:
- What do you think I'm doing?
A man from the suburb of London for many years went to an occasional trip to Monte Carlo because of the casino. One night the goddessof fortune has finally removed the blindfold and he won over 500 000 euros. Happy and excited he decided to stay in the hotel andreturn home the day after; he wanted to enjoy the evening affording some of the other vices. Back home the next day he had to solvethe problem of safekeeping of his money. He did not bring the money in the bank where he had his account because he was afraid thatbank clerk will start to investigate; the place where he lived was small and the people not so fair, so he was afraid that the newsof his win will quickly spread all over the city and he, for obvious reasons, didn't want the people know about his win. So he decidedto dig a hole in his garden and hide the money in a resistant and waterproof box.
The next day, returning home from work he quickly notice the footprints from the gate to his backyard. Following the footprints henoticed that someone entered in his property and stole his treasure. Upset and angry he continues to follow the footprints leadingto the house of his neighbor. He remembered his neighbor was a deaf mute who had communication problems. Fortunately he rememberedalso that close to him lived a woman able to communicate with the language of the deaf-mute.
He took a gun, his other favorite hobby was shooting, went to the woman's house and dragged her to the door of the deaf-mute. He ringsthe bell and when the guy opens the door he says to the woman:
- Explain this villain I will kill him if he don't say immediately where he hid my money.
The woman turns the question to the deaf-mute that explains with signs that he have hidden the box with the money in the cellar. Thewoman turns to the man with the gun and says:
- This guy told me he prefers rather to be killed then to tell you where he hid the money.
The topics for this week’s puns and one liners is gambling jokes. I should add that I’m not much of a gambler; the biggest wagers I seem to make are playing 2p machines at seaside resorts, so I am far from an expert in the topic. As normal, these come with no guarantee of hilarity or originality…
I make a bet with a local farmer each year as to which lamb will jump highest. I like a gambol.
Got asked to leave the casino the other night. They said I had a chip on my shoulder.
How do you become a millionaire through gambling? Start as a billionaire.
Casino Jokes One Liners
Free panda slot games. I’m going to an Abba themed poker night. The winner takes it all.
Lost money betting with with one of the big cats at the zoo. Think he was a cheetah.
Did well at strip poker the other night. I played my socks off.
I gambled on a giraffe race the other day. Mine came second. Lost by a neck. It was nowhere near.
Short Jokes One Liners
I took a gamble and bought a small boat without seeing it first. It was a punt.
I used to love eating chips until I got barred from the casino.
I bet on a horse at 10-1. It didn’t come in until half past three.
Walking down the road earlier and I tripped over a sign from the local betting shop. What are the odds on that?
A friend of mine keeps insisting on skipping through flower meadows. I think he has a gamboling problem.
How many lines should i play on a slot machine. Why are large maps rubbish at playing poker? You tube brian christopher slots. They always fold.
Last week’s snooker jokes are here.
Gambling Jokes One-liners
If you like these gambling jokes, have a look here for an alphabetical list of joke topics.
Adult Jokes One Liners
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